nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
