for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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