I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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