I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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