She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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