My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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