dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
