omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
