I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
