Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
