put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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