You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
