Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
