the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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