he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
