I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
