I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
