I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
