If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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