areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
