I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
