dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
