my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
