We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
