Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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