And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize