the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
