your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
