I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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