Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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