I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drake has all the answers
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
