everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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