and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
