you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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