I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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