So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
