i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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