Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Randomize
