Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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