ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
