I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
