3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
this is an emotional support booty call
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
