We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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