I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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