Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
