My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
