Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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