you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
