Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
