C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
