DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would fuck him just for his dog
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
