We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
