Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
