Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
