you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
