This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
