I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
