I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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