Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
