Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
