I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
