I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this beer tastes like vomit already
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
