I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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