oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
