I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
