First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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