he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
