My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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