Me too!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
